The Herald just noticed FIU football? Great! Welcome to the party, guys. Glad to have you. Come on in! Unfortunately, the chips are soggy and we’re almost out. We’ve been here quite a while.
The rest of us have been wondering where you were all this time. Oh, that’s right… you were stuck in traffic catching up to that UM story, the one you were eight months behind on. It must be weird to suddenly show up at the FIU party, what with all these FIU supporters drinking “Chivas and wearing guayaberas.” Do you know what a guayabera is?
It also must be tough to miss out on the UM party given you were UM’s party girl. By that way, who was that guy who screwed that party up for you? Yahoo sports? Who’s that?
Don’t you just hate it when a good looking out-of-towner like that comes in and steals your man? Oh well!
So now you are looking for a new suitor, huh? I hope FIU makes you work hard and doesn’t immediately give in to your school yard crush. By the way, did you know that FIU’s AD, Head Coach and announcers are all Hispanic? Ever dated one of those? Have you ever hung out with somebody who doesn’t wear chinos and button downs? Just asking!
See you at the next FIU party! I’ll be the one wearing the “Don’t believe the Miami Herald” button on my lapel. It was given to me by an old friend who has since passed away. The late Jorge Mas Canosa told me, “I know the ‘real’ Miami Herald, and they’ll always hate us… even when they pretend not to.”